Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
