He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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