Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
