Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
