of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
