I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
