Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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