Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
