and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my sisters under your porch take her home
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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