here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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