I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
