Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
