at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
