Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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