Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
