He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i drank out of a bidet.
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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