So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
