dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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