I seem to have left my pride at pride
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so let's talk penis.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
