just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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