He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
