it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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