I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
