dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
