I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I believe in your delicious
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
