Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
