Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
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I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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