So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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