his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
