I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
