My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
