I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
