Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
COCAINE IS GR8
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
