Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I can't turn off my feet"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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