Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
