i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
