This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
