dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
