there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Enjoy the penises
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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