I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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