You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
