I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
