mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
