When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
