I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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