ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
