Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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