no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
