WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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