Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
