This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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