the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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