i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Your cock deserves a montage
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
