I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
