I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
