she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
