She is in my trunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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