I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
