What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
