i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
