Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
send nudes
from the living room?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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