idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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