You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
